I think the most important reason for my difficulty in getting my life moving began when I was 18- by not going to college.
I see that for many people college was a Major turning point.
Deep inside me I knew it would be. I so wanted to go to college. I hid college brochures in my drawer
One time I even went over to the local public school to see if the guidance counselor over there would help me. He didn't. .
I see that for many people college was a Major turning point.
Deep inside me I knew it would be. I so wanted to go to college. I hid college brochures in my drawer
One time I even went over to the local public school to see if the guidance counselor over there would help me. He didn't. .
I didn't need college to be able to question my beliefs- I was already doing that. I needed college because it would have given me:
An opportunity for social interaction (never my strong point) outside of the frum world at an age when I was still young enough to be more adaptable
Although I was never a socialite, in a large diverse college, I would have most likely been able to find some social corner that appealed to me- jewish student groups, feminist student groups, or religious questioners from various faiths and so forth.
It would have given me a structure to fall back on, to make it easier to step away from the frum structure, to make examining new things less fearful.
It would have given me purposeful activity. .
It would have opened my eyes to various career possibilities, including role models who were actually engaged in them..
Why I didn't go:
Didn't have money to go. and Didn't know of any other way.
I thought of going to community college but was afraid of facing off with my parents (who may have "compromised" by sending me to Touro), and didn't want to live at home.
So i chose a Seminary instead where I got to live in the dorm.
At the time getting away from home seemed a much more urgent matter; That was a mistake, i could have likely held out two more years at the community college and then transfered.
(Only I didn't know there was such a thing, and that financial and work options might open up. I didn't know the system).
how this affected my life:
Never became comfortable in a non frum environment. never made a non jewish friend. eventually I returned to the frum community although not fully observant..
never pursued career options that might have been more appropriate for me.
5 comments:
i can't relate to what you're going through or to the things you've experienced, but i can relate to how you feel. it's not too late to have the life you want to have. you deserve to be happy. figure out how you can make yourself happy, and do it.
wow wow this so well says when im felling jewishfun2@gmail.com
sent you a message jewish fun.
anonymous thanks for commenting. I haven't given up yet, just sometimes I need to vent about the past.
Making a change at midlife is not easy whichever way you look at it but as I said, I haven't given up. Still working on it.
you can still go..my best friend never went to college until she was around 33, and then could only go part time because she was working but now is very slowly working her way through nursing school (although she had to take this semester off cause she just had a baby). When I was in grad school there were people there in their 40s or even 50s, many of whom had not gone to college until later on.
hope so! it's nice to get encouragement!
Post a Comment