Beware! Your therapist is not your friend....
I have been having bouts of depression lately tied into some relationship issues.
and decided to see a therapist
Partly it is related to an extreme fear of financial dependence.
Now as everyone knows, financial dependence is not fun for anyone. But, particularly if you grew up in the type of frum community where being financially dependent meant that you couldn't speak honestly about anything other than food , dress according to your own tastes, or even have your own friends else you might be homeless. you could develop quite a phobia/resentment of ever being dependent, even temporarily, even only partially, on ANYONE, even if logically you know that person is not going to act that way
Ok great, now that I know that
what do I do about that? knowing doesn't make the feeling go away.
I asked my new therapist that question
She said "you hold on to that feeling instead of trying to escape it.... you develop a relationship with
thetherapist in which your feelings from your other relationships will
emerge... a "dependent" emotionally relationship she called it.
I think in professional lingo they call this transference.
what's more it's bullshit.
there is nothing therapeutic about developing an emotionally dependent relationship with anyone
especially when that person has no relationship with you! other than a business one of course...
what kind of relationship is it after all when the minute you stop paying, that person will never associate with you ever again?
I've got no problem with that, actually because I understand what a professional relationship is. and what it isn't.
I think its the therapists who have it confused.
BTW I had the following interview with a potential therapist:
ME: What is your religious orientation?
SHE: Why do you want to know that?
(a bit later)
ME: What are your beliefs regarding abortion?
SHE: Why do you want to know that?
She refused to answer the questions but tried to assure me that whatever my issues were, she wouldn't be judgemental of me.
ME: Thank you very much for your time, however I believe your approach is not for me.
SHE: Why not?
ME: Why do you want to know that?
All these rules that therapists use are about maintaining their professional identity as the person with the power in the room.
BTW I had the following interview with a potential therapist:
ME: What is your religious orientation?
SHE: Why do you want to know that?
(a bit later)
ME: What are your beliefs regarding abortion?
SHE: Why do you want to know that?
She refused to answer the questions but tried to assure me that whatever my issues were, she wouldn't be judgemental of me.
ME: Thank you very much for your time, however I believe your approach is not for me.
SHE: Why not?
ME: Why do you want to know that?
All these rules that therapists use are about maintaining their professional identity as the person with the power in the room.
1 comment:
I Didn't even realize you had been blogging this whole time until your last comment on my blog! :)
I definitely also have that phobia of being financially dependent on someone...especially now with the baby coming. I've worked since I was 16 because I knew that any money my parents gave me came with strings attached that I didn't want...as a result they haven't given me a dime since I was around 21, and since then I've been able to live exactly how I want.
Congrats on being pregnant even if the circumstances aren't ideal. It does bring up all these weird resenting feelings, right? I actually did tell my parents (that post will be posted next week) and that made all the feelings worse, cause I guess part of me thought it would fix things somehow, but yet nothing has changed at all.
By the way are you on the online OTD community (on facebook? just search for "off the derech" and it should pop up) Would love to see you there...there's also one just for OTD women and I've found that group is now kinda becoming my substitute family for pregnancy advice and stuff since my real family fails so hard:)
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